Things I didn’t get for Christmas

I got everything I wanted for Christmas this year, which was peace, love and understanding. What’s so funny about that?

Not to be picky, but I offer a short list of things I didn’t get for Christmas. I make them available for anyone doing some early shopping for next year:

  1. The purpose of semicolons; I didn’t get them.
  2. I didn’t get the reason the high fade hair style has returned. high-fade-haircut
  3. I didn’t get why Nike charges its customers so much to advertise its stuff.   Nike-Victory-Mens-Basketball-Shorts-482943_890_A
  4. You, too, NorthFace.NorthFace
  5. And Dolce & Gabbana baby boots? 354X490TMPL
  6. What bad economy?
  7. I didn’t get why we all put up with it.
  8. Maybe I should silk screen some shirts with “” on them and sell them for forty bucks each.
  9. I’m sure there’s a factory somewhere in Bangladesh with excess capacity.
  10. I didn’t get the sustained popularity of some musical acts.
  11. I’m talking about you, Bon Jovi.
  12. Is it the hair?  jovi
  13. Does this mean we’ll see Justin Bieber singing at massive fundraisers thirty years from now?
  14. That should make people take global warming more seriously.
  15. Do you want another Hurricane Sandy-like catastrophe that leads to Bieber being on stage when he’s fifty, overly conditioned hair and all?
  16. That’s a rhetorical question.
  17. Makes me want to keep the thermostat at sixty-two to burn a little less coal.
  18. Honorable Mention: Dave Matthews Band.
  19. Less Honorable Mention: A tie between Leonard Cohen and Morrissey.
  20. How about a Christmas album next year by those two?
  21. That would be a real joy fest.
  22. I didn’t get gift bags.
  23. Who is buying these things?
  24. How does the gift bag industry stay afloat?
  25. All the gift bags under our tree this year had been reused.Christmas Gift Bags Set1 Product Image
  26. Some with multiple names marked out.
  27. Noah
  28. Zane
  29. Isabel
  30. “Dad”
  31. I suspect gift bag makers take two or three years off at a time  until demand catches up to production.
  32. If my new watch, which is made from corn resin and other natural stuff, is biodegradable, should I take it off if I start to sweat?20121227_091049
  33. I didn’t get Boxing Day.
  34. I get what it is, but I just don’t understand why we can’t have it in the States.
  35. We have a four-day weekend for Thanksgiving, but just one day for Christmas.
  36. Maybe after they tackle the fiscal cliff, Congress can approve Boxing Day.
  37. I’m not holding my breath on either one.


P.S. If you received a new e-reader this holiday season, please give these mildly entertaining works a go. And if you prefer the old-fashioned paper version that’s been signed, I can help you out there, too. Just leave me a comment.

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