Billions of years ago, the universe became. In the aftermath of that fraction of a trillisecond of violent becoming, deadly gasses, dust, and detritus coalesced to form galaxies. Eventually, in one backwater galaxy, Earth also became. Deep in its belly, Earth labored for thousands of millennia, slowly creating and re-creating itself. Through seismic collisions much […]
This is Jack. Jack is 30 years old. Do not say, “Poor Jack.” Jack has a good life. Jack lives with Harold and Joyce in North Missouri. Jack has an entire pasture to himself, not counting deer and turkeys. No ones tells Jack what to do. No, sir. Jack taught a slew of grand kids how to […]
A snowflake was allegedly spotted 30 miles southeast of our city, so we’re on DEFCON 1 around here. Schools and a lot of business are closed. Since we humans no longer have to worry much about saber-toothed tigers or the Bubonic plague, I think we’re secretly excited about the dangers of puffy snow. But what […]
Dear Smithsonian American Art Museum, You guys are doing a great job there, storing old stuff adults can drag their kids to see. But many young ones don’t care. Imagine the carbon dioxide generated from all the dramatic sighs. If you combine the CO2 buildup contributed by your young visitors with that of the bloviators on […]
The Smith family is precariously close to dispensing with all Christmas giving pretense and getting our own gifts. This year, we spent an inordinate amount of time sending photos to each other. We did this to make sure we gave exactly what the other person wanted. Which shirt color do you like? Take a closer […]
April 1979 River Outfitter Guy The Current River (or maybe Jacks Fork) Somewhere south of Jeff City Dude, Awesome weekend! Hey man, I don’t know if I stayed at your camp, but I’m pretty sure I stayed someplace. I was the dude wearing the Springsteen shirt, and I had a can of Busch in each […]
My mother and her friend, Wilma Jean, celebrated May Day. No, they did not march through Red Square in Moscow endorsing eighty hour-work weeks for little pay. They kept alive the ancient rite of Northern European pagans welcoming the coming of summer. And really, what smalltown Missouri girl in the forties didn’t love a good […]
I know how the father in A Christmas Story felt when he won the Leg Lamp. I, too, have won awards. My glory days are behind me, but I used to be pretty lucky at drawings. When I was a kid, the hardware store in my hometown had prize drawings at Christmas. (The store also […]
In the city, we have many entertainment options, such as whether to watch Real Annoying and Vacuous Housewives of Hoboken or spend thirty minutes with Honey Boo Boo. On really good days, we may go to Target and Home Depot. We have Krispy Kreme and White Castle. We are cultured. Still, entertainment decisions in rural […]
Introducing the Ron Smith method of lawn repair™ When Daughter #2 mowed the back yard several weeks ago, the rear left wheel fell off the push mower. It was irreparable. This allowed me to put my patented lawn equipment repair system into practice. Should you find yourself in similar circumstances, I invite you to try […]
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