I was nine or ten the first time I heard my granddad pepper his speech with cuss words. I could still point out within a five square foot area where I stood in his barnyard when he let loose one of those forbidden four-letter words in my presence. I had crossed some invisible line of […]
Is it redundant to use my left turn signal if I’m already in the left turn-only lane? That’s like a double negative. “I ain’t never seen nothing like that never in my life.” Quadruple negative. Nicely done, Ron. I will not use my turn signal. I am a rebel. Rebel, Rebel. That reminds me of […]
Dear advertisers, Just a few suggestions I ask you to consider. First, I direct my attention to you, Local Business Owner. I ask you kindly to refrain from using your family in your commercials. I am sure your children and grandchildren have prodigious talents, and they will someday discover a cure for low-grade acne. However, […]
There is every accounting for taste I didn’t like the latest movie version of Le Miserables, even though it will win 23 Oscars, including “Best Musical Number by an Aussie during a Suicide Plunge.” So sue me. I much preferred the 1978 version with Anthony Perkins. Because it was a TV movie, it wasn’t up […]
Late in the evening on Thanksgiving, after much of the family had left and a handful of us remained, my dad told a story from his childhood. Dad was born in 1929, the same year of the Great Stock Market Crash and the beginning of the Great Depression. In the early thirties, farmers in the […]
Parts of the movie 50 to 1 are being filmed at Churchill Downs. The film is about Mine That Bird, which won the 2009 Kentucky Derby as a long shot. I thought the film could use my help, so I signed on as an extra. This is the story of my day, most of it […]
The following needs no introduction, but I’ve written up a short list of things I try to avoid when writing anything other than a grocery list. I don’t want to write that something needs no introduction and then introduce it. I’d like to be an emcee who says “this next guest needs no introduction,” and […]
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